Your Essential Guide to Masturbation | Women’s Edition
Tl;dr All’s fair in the world of exploration and masturbation! Some women orgasm vaginally, and some need clitoral stimulation. Some women love their hands and some need vibrators. Some have a sensitive G spot and some don’t. Figure out what you like - there are no right or wrong answers!
Just as there are lots of different parts, there are lots of different ways to achieve orgasm. The numbers on this vary, but a 2017 study found that from a sample of over 1,000 women, 37% absolutely needed clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm, a further 36% of women said they didn’t need it but it made the orgasms better, and 18.4% said that penetration alone was sufficient.
The Clitoris
So let’s start with the clitoris. If you’ve never done so, I recommend grabbing a mirror at this point and getting acquainted with your own vulva and clitoris - or using your fingers to explore if you find a mirror uncomfortable. There’s no right or wrong way to get to know your own body!
If you start at the top of the pubic area (the mons pubis) and you head down between your legs, you will first come across the clitoral hood, under which sits the clitoris. Depending on what your body looks like, you may have to spread apart your labia minora and / or your labia majora - the inner and outer “lips” around your vulva and clitoris - to get to it.
I’ve seen enough photographs of fingers in oranges and hands wrapped around bananas to last me a lifetime, so here’s a real vulva. Warning: it bears very little resemblance to the inside of an orange. Sorry.
So now we’re acquainted with our own clitorises (clitori??), here’s some things you might want to try to reach a clitoral orgasm.
Fingers: Take the index finger, or the index and middle finger, of your dominant hand and place them on top of the clitoral hood. Press down with as much pressure as feels pleasurable and move your hand in circular motions. As you feel the sensation building, you may want to press harder or move faster.
Lubrication: Some people prefer more lubrication than others. You may want to try moving your fingers down to your vaginal opening to lubricate them, and then rubbing your clitoris. You might also want to try your own saliva, or a shop-bought lubricant.
Toys: If fingers aren’t doing it for you, or you just want to shake it up, why not try a vibrator? From a small bullet vibrator, to a handheld wand, to a rampant rabbit, placing a vibrator against your clitoris can be a great way to achieve orgasm.
Here’s a personal recommendation for a rechargeable wand vibrator - it’s totally vibetastic
Suction clitoral devices like this one are all the rage at the moment
Or start small with a vibrating bullet
Check out a list of rampant rabbits here
The Vagina
Fingers: While the index finger is popular for the clitoris, a lot of women find the middle finger provides a better angle for penetrating the vagina. After massaging your vaginal opening, gently penetrate your vagina with your finger (or fingers). Moving your fingers in and out, or around in circles, might feel good.
The G Spot? Some women report a particularly pleasurable and sensitive spot on the wall of their vaginas closest to their belly buttons, about an inch or so up from the vaginal opening. Not all women are sensitive around this area, but you can try exploring yours by curling your fingers in towards your palm once they are already inside to stimulate the outer wall of your vagina.
Lubrication: This is much more important for vaginal penetration! Make sure you are well-lubricated and if anything hurts, stop doing it.
Toys: There are so many toys out there designed for vaginal stimulation. Some curved to hit the G spot, some which vibrate, some which look like penises, some small, some big etc. etc. Find what works for you!
Here are some G Spot toys - haven’t tried these myself, but feel free to let me know what you think
Check out the list of rampant rabbits here for some clitoral + vaginal combo action! While some women cannot orgasm from vaginal penetration alone, combining vaginal and clitoral stimulation can lead to what many women describe as a more “full body” orgasm.
The Anus
Why stop at the vagina and clitoris? Lots of women find playing with their anuses pleasurable too! Some things you might want to try:
Fingers: Put a generous amount of lubrication on one finger and slowly circle your anus. If that feels nice, try gently and slowly inserting a finger into your anus
Toys: If you’ve never explored your anus much, I recommend starting *very* small. Go for an anal training starter kit or a “my first butt plug”. A flared base on any anal toy is a must have (if you want to avoid an awkward trip to the ER), and remember to always separate your anal toys from your vaginal ones! That, or make sure you clean them thoroughly between anal and vaginal use.
Edging
So, let’s say you’ve read this far and you now know how to give yourself an orgasm. Congrats! Taking power and control over your own orgasms brings you one step closer to having a phenomenal sex life.
But there’s more.
Ever wondered how to have those earth-shattering, firework-inducing, outer space-transporting orgasms? Let me tell you about “edging”.
As you masturbate, you will likely feel an orgasm start to “build”. Edging is when you take yourself to the brink of orgasm and then you stop completely. And then you take yourself to the brink again and then you stop. And then you do it again. Ever heard of the saying “good things come to those who wait”? Well, the longer you tease yourself and the longer you hold off your orgasm, the better your orgasm will be (within reason, of course!).
Get it? She’s sitting on the edge.
You may find that the first few times you accidentally tip yourself over into orgasm, and that’s totally fine. Exploring your body and figuring out your sensitivities and tastes is all part of the fun of getting to know yourself. Equally, some women find that edging doesn’t work for them, and some women cannot orgasm through masturbation. We are all different and as long as you are enjoying the process, then you are masturbating successfully.
Setting the Scene
Hurrah! You’re almost ready to graduate from Masturbation School. There’s just one thing left to cover, and that’s setting the scene for your masturbation adventures.
Masturbation will often feel best when you’re in an open, relaxed, and exploratory mindset. So here are some things you might want to try to get there - think of it as a date night in with yourself.
Privacy: Be home alone, or if in a bedroom, consider locking the door. Any worries of being walked in on will likely distract you from feeling the full extent of your pleasure. So ignore your texts, close instagram, and focus on you.
Environment: Get in a sexy mood by lighting some candles, dimming the lights, or playing your favorite sexy playlist on spotify. Pleasure is in all the senses! Some women like to watch themselves in the mirror, and others like to wear nice lingerie. You’re in charge.
Orgasms (or lack of): Don’t pile the pressure on to achieve orgasm. Different women have different levels of ease bringing themselves to orgasm, and that’s totally normal and ok. Masturbation can be fun with or without an orgasm, so just do what feels nice and enjoy the experience.
Fantasies: Consider using a visual, auditory, or imagination aid. Some women prefer to be left alone with their thoughts while they masturbate, so feel free to let your fantasies run wild! What happens in your mind stays in your mind. Others prefer porn - but don’t let people tell you pornhub is the only option. Porn can take many shapes, from written porn, to visual porn, to auditory porn.
In Summary
There is no right or wrong way to masturbate. So try some new things, figure out what you like and what you don’t like, and enjoy getting to know yourself. Masturbate as little or as often as you want. Talk about it with your friends or partner if you want to - and don’t if you don’t want to. Masturbation is all about you - your choices, your pleasure, your desires, and your beautiful body.
Enjoy!
Catalina x