Your Oral Pleasure Encyclopedia

Tl;dr Everyone likes different things, but at the end of the day, we’re all made up of the same parts. Understanding the makeup of those parts and how you can experiment with the sensitive bits is the key to unlocking great oral sex - when coupled, of course, with communication!

In the last chronicle, I suggested having a date night in with your partner where you try a whole bunch of different stuff and figure out what feels good. But how do you know what to try? 

Well, there are two approaches. Approach number 1, we’ll call this the “Cosmo” approach, is to list out 29 best oral sex positions, 37 blow job techniques, or everything you need to know about cunnilingus. By all means, give these a read if you’ve got time - though in my experience, it’s hard to separate out the 9 sex positions you would actually try from the 20 that require an advanced degree in acrobatics. 

Ok, I’m exaggerating - and for what it’s worth, I think Cosmo can be a great starting ground to get our creative juices flowing in the bedroom.

But I’m going to go with approach number 2 here. Instead of giving you a laundry list of specific things to try, I’m going to talk to you about the makeup of our penises and vulvas and all of the sensitive bits on them. If you understand the parts, you’re a whole lot closer to understanding what to do with them.

Oh and talk to your partner about what they like, of course. Just because one part is on average more sensitive than another doesn’t mean it’s that way for everyone.  

Clitorises & Vaginas  

The Clitoris

Welcome to the only organ in the human body whose sole purpose is pleasure. The clitoris (or rather clitoral glans - the full structure of the clitoris is mainly internal) is about an eighth the size of a penis, yet it’s packed with around twice as many nerve endings. That means the clitoris can be *hella* sensitive.

When it comes to stimulating the clitoris, there is such a thing as too much too fast. Just as it would be a tad antisocial to suddenly shine a bright light in someone’s eyes to wake them up, going all Fast and Furious 5 on the clitoris can feel overwhelming and even painful. 

Start slowly with gentle circles or a side-to-side motion, and ask your partner how much pressure they like. Some people only like manual stimulation of the clitoris through the clitoral hood (the bit of skin that sits on top of the clitoris), and others prefer oral stimulation directly on the clitoris. 

Clitorises come in all shapes and sensitivities, so while some might need a powerful vibrator, others might only want very light pressure. The name of the game is communication. And building up sensation like a sunrise alarm clock builds up light.

The Labia 

These are the folds of skin (or “lips”) on either side of the vaginal opening which frame the vulva. 

Particularly for people with sensitive clitorises, stimulating the labia, particularly the labia minora closest to the vaginal opening, can be a good way to build up sensation. It can also be a great way to “tease” your partner - starting slowly with more indirect stimulation to increase blood flow to the area, causing heightened sensitivity.

The Vagina 

The vagina is what gets the most attention in porn and movies, but there are lots of different ways we can stimulate the vaginal opening that don’t involve lots of thrusting and grunting. 

Shallowing - where you focus stimulation on just the first couple of centimeters of the vaginal opening, can be a great way to build pleasure in this area. For many people, this is the most sensitive part of the vaginal opening, so gently teasing the vaginal opening with a tongue, a finger, or a toy can feel amazing for your partner.

Another great thing to try is internal clitoral stimulation. Remember when I said that the thing we call the clitoris is really the clitoral glans? The full structure looks a bit like a tripod, with two large clitoral bulbs on either side. You can see from the diagram of how it all fits together that certain angles of penetration might feel especially nice because they stimulate the clitoral bulbs through the vaginal wall (side note: this is what some people think the G spot is all about). So try different positions and different depths of penetration. 

Penises and Testicles  

The Head / Glans

This part on a penis is homologous to the clitoral glans. What that means is that both of these parts are similar in terms of position, structure, and evolutionary origin. 

Well, we all know now how sensitive the clitoris is, so we can infer that the head of the penis is a pretty similar story. In fact, for many people this is one of the most sensitive parts of the penis, so stimulating it gently with your tongue or your fingers (plus some lube) can feel great. 

If you’re happy taking the penis in deeper (and It’s completely ok if that doesn’t sound like your cup of tea), then stimulating the head of the penis with the back of your mouth / opening of your throat can also feel great. Lots of people vary on the sensitivity of their gag reflexes though, so don’t sweat it if this one doesn’t sound fun - oral sex should be fun for both of you! 

Because the head is so sensitive, communicating with your partner about pressure, lubrication, and rhythm of stimulation is a great idea. 

The Frenulum 

This is the bit of the penis that’s on the underside of the head, where you’ll see an elastic-y looking bit of connective tissue. You may also have heard this called the “Banjo string”.  

This is another highly sensitive part of the penis, so gentle stimulation here with your mouth and / or fingers is another great thing to try. For both the frenulum and the penis head, you might want to try slow circular motions with your tongue or your thumb as a starting point. 

The Shaft 

The shaft is the largest part of the penis but it also has the fewest nerve endings. While gentle pressure on the head and the frenulum are a good idea, you might want to apply a little more pressure when dealing with the shaft.

Different people like different approaches - you can try making a circle with your thumb and index finger and moving that up and down the shaft with a little pressure (as always, ask your partner what feels good!), or you can try using your mouth to encircle the shaft. 

The underside of the shaft is usually the most sensitive, so why not also try positioning your hand or mouth so that your thumb or tongue is massaging the underside as you move it up and down? You can then have more control over the amount of pressure you're exerting on that sensitive part of the shaft.

The Testicles

The testicles sit underneath the penis between the penis and the anus, and they are p a c k e d  with nerve endings. Sure, this can be a real problem for people if they get kicked in the nuts, but it can also make for some great additions to your oral or manual sex repertoire. 

Gentle (and I mean gentle) cupping or massaging of the testicles can feel great for some people, as can light sucking action. Not everyone enjoys stimulation here, but there is a magic way you can find out what your partner wants. Yes. Communication. Are you bored of me yet??

I said I was bored of fruit photos, so here are some nuts instead.

The Perineum

And finally we have the perineum, the bit of skin behind the testicles before you reach the anus. This is probably the bit that tends to get the least love - but the perineum likes attention too!

By gently massaging this bit of skin with a finger or your tongue, you can indirectly stimulate the oh-so-sensitive-prostate and generally enhance blood flow in the penile region, which can lead to stronger erections.

Putting it all together…

Now that you know about all the different parts, feel free to get creative! Using a combination of your mouth and hands can be a great way to provide all round stimulation. Oral sex doesn’t have to be 100% with the mouth!  

With these 8 parts and both manual and oral stimulation at your disposal, there are 101 ways you can have fun - trust me, I’ve checked the math.

So have fun exploring with your newfound knowledge and don’t be afraid to ask your partner what they like!

A note on safety

Before you go off into the world on a quest for mind-blowing oral sex, I want to leave you with a note on safety & STIs.

As Shakespeare famously said, “To dental dam or not to dental dam, that is the question”. Bottom line is - make informed choices, get tested, and take responsibility for your own health and the health of your partner(s) - trust me, it’s more fun that way! 

So, here’s a quick fire list of some things I’d like you to know. Comprehensive list of info here. 

  • You can use condoms or dental dams like this when having oral sex.

  • Chlamydia & Gonorrhea can be passed on from someone’s genitals to someone’s mouth and / or throat through oral sex. That person can then pass on Chlamydia and Gonorrhea to a third person’s genitals through oral sex. 

  • STIs such as Chlamydia and Gonorrhea can be asymptomatic, but this does not mean they should be left untreated. Asymptomatic STIs can still be passed on.

  • Chlamydia and Gonorrhea are treatable and curable if caught in a timely fashion - there’s a lot of stigma around STIs but don’t let that prevent you from testing. 

  • If you’re a Stanford student, you can get free confidential STI testing at the Vaden Health Centre - just book through the Vaden Patient Portal.

  • If you’re based in the US, you can get a free STI test at a Planned Parenthood as well as a few other sites - google “free STI test near me”. 

  • If you’re based in the UK, you can get a free STI test at https://www.shl.uk/.

So, now that you’ve swallowed all this… information, I hope you have some fantastic oral sex.

Catalina x